The One Thing You and Your Partner Need More Than Anything Else
I love the pic for this post. What a simple way to know what to do and not do! If only the world were as simple as it often seems for Dwight Schrute.
Though I can’t quite make things that simple, I want to share a very simple framework for communicating with your partner that, if you adopt it, will quickly make a huge difference in the quality of your connection.
Make it your goal, in everything you say to your partner, and everything you do with them, to communicate one message: “I gotchu, baby.”
If your partner needs to know what time it is, how can you say it in a way that communicates, “I gotchu, baby”?
If your partner wants sex and you’re just not up for it, how can you communicate that difficult information in a way that conveys, “I gotchu, baby.”
If your partner says they don’t feel supported in their work around the house, how do you make sure to communicate to them, “I gotchu, baby”?
If your partner is feeling down and is trying to talk to you about it, what can you do in that moment not to fix the problem, but to make sure your partner gets the message, “I gotchu, baby.”
You and your partner committed to each other for one main reason. You both wanted to believe someone was going to always be there for you, always have your back, always make you feel safe. What each of you needs from the other more than anything is to feel like you’ve got each other.
Thinking of this one thing will change what you say to your partner, and how you say it, what you do, and how you do it. It is the path to more care, more gentleness, more empathy and compassion, more encouragement, more support, more connection, and ultimately more and better sex.
Actually say it sometimes, use the actual words. But far more often, simply let those words guide you as you go about your life with your partner.
“I gotchu baby.” That means so much. It means:
You can count on me.
You’re safe with me.
Your worries are my worries.
Your joys are my joys.
Your burdens are my burdens.
I’m your champion and your cheerleader.
You’re my person.
You’re not alone in this life and in this world.
I’m your companion and friend.
I gotchu, baby.