Love Is a Verb: What That Means for Your Relationship

Most people come into a relationship thinking of love primarily as a feeling — something that either is or isn't there, something that happens to you rather than something you do. And that feeling is real. It's powerful, it matters, and it's worth paying attention to.

But feelings fluctuate. Every long-term relationship has seasons where the warmth is harder to access — where the irritations are louder and the connection feels thinner. If love is only a feeling, those seasons become crises. If love is also a practice, they become something you navigate.

What "Love Is a Verb" Actually Means

It means that loving your partner is something you do, day by day, in concrete choices — not just something you feel or don't feel in any given moment. It means turning toward them when your instinct is to withdraw. Asking how they are and actually listening to the answer. Putting the phone down. Noticing when they seem off and saying so. Choosing their wellbeing even when you're tired or frustrated or not feeling particularly loving.

This isn't about performing affection you don't feel. It's about recognizing that the feeling of love is partly generated by loving behavior. Acting loving when you don't feel it isn't dishonest — it's how you find your way back to the feeling. The connection follows the action as often as the action follows the connection.

The Practical Implication

In couples therapy, I often hear: "I just don't feel in love anymore." That's a real and painful experience, and I take it seriously. But it's also frequently a description of what happens when both people have stopped behaving lovingly toward each other — when the small daily acts of care and attention have been crowded out by stress, habit, and accumulated hurt.

The feeling didn't disappear first. The behavior changed, and the feeling followed it down.

Which means the path back is usually through behavior, not through waiting for the feeling to return on its own. You start making choices that communicate: I choose you. I'm here. I'm paying attention. And over time, the feeling tends to follow those choices back.