Counseling for Struggling Couples in Michigan
DOES ONE OR MORE OF THE STORIES BELOW DESCRIBE YOUR INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP?
You Fight Constantly
You are sick of constantly fighting with your spouse/partner. You feel lonely in your marriage/relationship because you’re trying so hard to keep the peace you feel like the two of you are just roommates or business partners instead of friends and lovers. You feel anxious, like there’s no way to have a conversation without it turning into a fight. You may be starting to feel depressed because it seems like you’ve tried everything, and the problem either stays the same or seems to actually get worse.
It seems like the dumbest issues lead to blowout arguments. You try to tell your partner how you feel, but it seems like they get defensive and tell you the real problem is you. Maybe you and/or your partner even get verbally abusive sometimes because the anger and frustration between you is so intense.
There Has Been an Affair
You’ve found out your partner had an affair. The person you always thought would have your back and be in your corner isn’t the person you thought they were. Your whole world is upside down and you are struggling to even make sense of reality. You wonder if you can ever trust them again.
Part of you wants to stay, but part of you thinks maybe it’s pathetic to accept this kind of treatment and you should just get out right now. Friends and family seem to have strong opinions about what you should do, but don’t understand how you are feeling.
You don’t know what to do. You’ve been together a long time and you don’t want to just throw all that away, but the relationship obviously isn’t what you thought it was, so what’s the point? You are sick of your mind spinning, sick of constantly seeing images in your head of your partner with someone else, sick of feeling suspicious and distrusting, living constantly in detective mode, and you just want the hurt to stop.
The weirdest thing of all is when you are hurting, feeling distrustful, or angry, you just want to be reassured and comforted by the very person who caused all this pain in the first place but when you go to them for reassurance they just get defensive, and say you should have been over this a long time ago.
Or maybe you’re the one who cheated, and no matter how “good” you are, how honest you are trying to be with the one you betrayed, you’re getting sick of feeling constantly under suspicion, and you wonder if they’ll ever be able to trust you again. Is there any hope, ever, of restoring what has been lost? Will you always be a “cheater” in your partner’s eyes?
Your Partner Seems Unhappy All the Time, But You Don’t Even Think There’s a Problem
This is incredibly common. I can promise you your partner isn’t going to forget or drop how they are feeling, and ignoring their pleas to address the issues is just going to make things worse. I can show you why the two of you are living in completely separate worlds when it comes to being happy in your relationship and how to get on the same page.
You Are Living in Icy Silence
You and/or your partner have just shut down because you can’t handle the conflict and criticism any more. You feel like you can never be good enough for your partner. There’s always tension, always a sense that a fight could break out. There’s a chill between you and maybe you’re even afraid it’s obvious to the kids. You rarely have sex anymore and when you do, you’re barely connecting, just kind of going through the motions.
You Feel Like You’re Losing Your Mind
Have you actually become symptomatic because of the stress in your relationship? Are you struggling with anxiety, depression, PTSD-like symptoms, obsessive thoughts, stomach aches, headaches, fatigue, sleep issues and other problems? Are you taking medication (or thinking about it) to deal with the symptoms you’re having because of the problem that’s not getting resolved in your relationship?
Previous Couple Counseling Feels Like It Went Nowhere
You saw someone else for couple counseling, but didn’t get the results you hoped for. It seemed like the therapist barely did anything, that you weren’t given any specific interventions or new things to try. Maybe they completely blamed one of you or the other, or even encouraged you to get a divorce! The truth is, over 80% of counselors work with couples, but less than 15% have had specific training in how to do it! So if you felt like your previous couples therapist didn’t know what to do, there’s a good chance that was the case.
There is Hope!
No matter which story yours is, and perhaps it’s a blend of several of them, you feel like if you don’t get help, you’re doomed to either lose the relationship completely, or end up accepting this as normal and trying to settle for this unacceptable thing. You know if you don’t get help soon, it’s either going to stay the same, which isn’t okay, or probably even get worse, which is completely unacceptable!
Can you imagine being friends with your partner again? What would it feel like if you trusted them like you used to? Do you like the idea of restoring the passion that once characterized your relationship and not feeling depressed, anxious, angry, lonely, and exhausted anymore? How about feeling like you’re a team again, and like your partner is the one person in this world you know has your back in ways big and small? What would it be like if home felt more like a safe haven again, and less like a battle zone? What if you felt like you were back on the same page?
These kinds of results are actually possible! The system of therapy I use, Gottman-informed Couples Therapy, has a 75% success rate in helping couples learn how to manage conflict better, listen to and understand each other better, become close friends again, and even have better sex, which is often the result of a deeper and more satisfying friendship.
As a counselor, I’m looking for couples who are ready to confront and fix their relationship problems, and are willing to trust me, let me do my job, and guide them to the kinds of results I describe above. If that sounds like you and your partner, contact me and let’s talk about working together!