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    If you are looking to:

    –>Move past the gridlock in your relationship
    –>Not hurt anymore
    –>Heal your relationship after an affair
    –>Enjoy deeper connection/better sex
    –>Feel as successful in your relationship as in other areas of your life

     

    …See below!

    Couple Counseling

    [Special note: Couple-premarital counseling is cash-pay only]

    My Approach

    Everything on this page presumes you already saw the introductory stuff about my couples counseling work on the home page. If you didn’t, it would probably be a good idea to check it out and then come back here.

    I am a Gottman-informed relationship counselor. This means that what I do is based on the research and clinical work of Drs. John and Julie Gottman.

    If you search around the internet for Gottman, you’ll see that Gottman is basically the gold standard for excellence in couples counseling (or one of just a few, anyway). I encourage you to read more about the Gottman Method so you will understand what to expect when you come to see me.

    Does Couple Counseling Work?

    Results can never be guaranteed in couple counseling, because they depend on too many factors to count. A partial list includes:

    • ​How long the problem has been going on
    • How long one partner has been begging the other partner to take the problem seriously
    • How volatile/violent the arguments have been
    • The personality of each partner and their willingness to accept responsibility and do the work
    • Whether there has been an affair and how deceitful the cheating spouse was
    • Each person’s ability to forgive and desire to grow
    • Other stressors on the relationship, such as work, child-rearing, finances, illness, etc.

    ​Most couples who are willing to make the investment and do the work can at least learn to live more peacefully together. Some couples will go on to become happier than they ever imagined they could be, and this even includes relationships where there has been betrayal.

    ​Views on divorce

    ​Divorce is sometimes the lesser of two undesirable states, the other being for couples to continue victimizing one another.

    Should that difficult day come when you decide to call it quits, I will help you move forward as amicably as possible, minimize conflict, and decide how to talk to your children and co-parent as best you can. I am a pro-marriage counselor, but not all marriages can or should be saved.

    My job is to make sure that whatever couples decide to do, they are both aware of the cost of their choice. Divorce is rarely the panacea it may seem to be. And repairing a broken relationship can take a long time, a lot of hard work, and specific results are never guaranteed.

    Couple Counseling FAQs

    Can we use insurance to cover our couple counseling?

    Nope. Here’s why.

    How much does couple counseling cost?

    My rate is $125 per session cash.

    How long will couple counseling take?

    It’s impossible to say, as it depends on the nature of the problem. I have couples I see three times and they’re fine. I have other couples I’ve seen for more than a year. Gottman-based counseling typically runs between 13-26 sessions.

    ​My partner keeps saying we need couple counseling, but I think we can handle our problems by ourselves. What do you think?

    If your partner believes there’s a problem in your relationship, your relationship has a problem. It will only make things worse to not deal with it. The number one reason couples counseling fails is because couples wait too long to get help.

    What happens in couple counseling?

    First, you learn why whatever you have been doing to fix the relationship isn’t working. Then I’ll teach you how to stop spinning your wheels and take different actions so you will get different results. I’ll help you both understand the cycle you’re stuck in and how the things you’re both doing to make it better are making it worse.​

    Will you tell my partner what’s wrong with them?

    I’ll help each of you see your own issues, because you can only fix you. And I’ll also help each of you behave in ways that will make it most likely your partner will do their own work.​

    Will this work for us?

    The sooner after you realize there’s a problem and get help, the more likely it is that you’ll be able to fix what’s wrong. Many couples wait too long to get help.​

    What makes it easier and harder?

    • It’s easier if a couple gets in soon after the issues appear
    • It’s harder when resentments have already grown really deep
    • It’s harder when one or both partners are dealing with substantial mental health issues of their own, like severe anxiety, depression, bipolar, and of course narcissism.
    • It’s easier when partners still like each other
    • It’s easier when they can stay in counseling as long as they need to to get where they want to be.
    • It’s harder when there’s an alcohol or drug problem.
    • It’s easier when you don’t expect miracles.

    ​8. What if we just don’t love each other anymore?

    If you used to be in love, chances are good you treated each other really well back then. When we behave in loving ways, our partners fall in love with us. When we stop, they fall out of love with us. When we start again, they can usually fall back in love with us again, but you’ll have to learn to trust each other and trust the process.

    ​9. What if there has been an affair?

    You may be able to fix this if you’re both up for the investment, but it’s going to be tough, probably for a really long time.​ (I recommend you check out some books on affair recovery.)

    10. I don’t think I can handle the anxiety I’m feeling. I’m not sleeping since my partner said they might leave. What do I do?

    This is a terrible feeling, but very common. If you feel like you’re falling apart, I strongly suggest you see your doctor and explain what’s going on. If you’re in crisis and need to talk to someone immediately, call Crisis and Access Services at 810.257.3740. They have trained people there who can listen and help 24 hours a day. If you’re feeling suicidal or homicidal, don’t mess with that — go directly to the ER.

    Let’s start working together!