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    Couples Counseling

    *Are you struggling in your marriage/relationship?

    *Do you feel successful in many areas of your life but like a failure in the thing that matters most — your relationship with your partner?

    *Do you feel hopeless and frustrated and fear you may never be able to fix your relationship?

    *Do you know you need help but one or both of you are afraid of being blamed for all of the problems?

    I’m Dave and I help couples communicate better, get on the same page, and enjoy their relationship again.

    It’s what I do best. In fact, I work with couples exclusively.

    In therapy with me, you will learn:

    • 69% of all problems in relationships are unsolvable. It’s not solving your problems but learning how to talk about them properly that will make your relationship feel safe and satisfying. I’ll show you how.
    • The happiness of a relationship is determined not by how a couple handles conflict, but by how they act towards each other when they are not arguing. I’ll teach you the importance of consistently turning towards your partner and show you what it looks like.
    • Almost 95% of the time, the way an argument goes in the first two-three minutes predicts how it will end. It is critical that you know how to properly begin a difficult conversation. I’ll show you how.

    Best of all, everything I will be teaching you is based in 40 years of research into what happy and satisfied couples actually do.

    Contact me if you and your partner are highly motivated and ready to do whatever it takes to save your relationship.

    Is Couples Counseling for Us?

    Since you’re here on this website, chances are you need some kind of help with your relationship. But I realize that doesn’t necessarily mean you need couples therapy, it’s definitely not the right move in every situation. I will help you determine if couples therapy is what is best for you, or if discernment counseling, or something else, is more appropriate.

    The bottom line is you don’t have to have that figured out before scheduling your call with me, we can talk about that and I can help you figure out what might be the best situation for you.

    How Does Couples Therapy Work?

    What I Need to Know to Help You

    In order to help you, I have to understand the relationship as thoroughly as possible. This means I need granular understanding of:

    • Your relationship history
    • Any strengths you may have in the relationship
    • The problem(s), from each of your perspectives
    • Who each of you is as an individual

    Just like you wouldn’t trust a medical doctor if you showed up, told them your arm was hurting, and they told you to come back the next day and they’d get you started on chemo, a good relationship therapist will put sufficient time into understanding both of you, and the various problems going on, as well as possible before moving into interventions.

    In Gottman therapy, the first three sessions are dedicated to developing this understanding.

    The Assessment Sessions

    Session 1 — 90 minutes

    Oral history interview. This is where I’ll get a thorough relationship history from you, together.

    Between sessions 1 and 2 — At home on your computer

    You will both complete a scientific relationship assessment, separately, online. Many clients say that just answering these questions already begins helping each of them understand their issues better.

    Session 2 — 90 minutes

    In this session I spend 45 minutes with each of you individually. I need to know who you are as people since the relationship is a product of who each of you is as a unique individual.

    Session 3 — 90 minutes

    We’ll use this session to go over the results of your assessment. I’ll explain the assessment, what it does and doesn’t tell us, and take you through your results. At the end of the session I’ll talk to you about a starting treatment plan, my sense, based on all the information I have gathered that point, about what we need to get started working on.

    The Intervention Sessions

    Session 4 and thereafter — 50 minutes

    Your relationship goals and the treatment plan I suggest will be our reference point for the things we’ll be covering in therapy from that point on.

    The Three Main Things Happening in Therapy

    1. I’m helping you identify what’s not working in your relationship.

    2. I’m teaching you proven interventions to help move from gridlock to progress in each place where you’re stuck.

    3. You’re practicing these interventions in session and at home in order to get the results you want to get in your relationship.

    Is Couples Counseling Effective?

    Research has shown the kind of couples therapy I do, Gottman-informed relationship therapy, has a success rate of about 75%. Of course I cannot guarantee this is the result you will get because so many factors go into determining this for each couple, but 75% is pretty good odds.

    What If My Partner Isn't Sure If They Want to Save the Relationship?

    This is not an uncommon situation. We do not move into couples therapy until both partners are on board and ready to commit the considerable time and effort it requires. If only one of you is into the idea of couples therapy, then you’ll probably want to consider discernment counseling.

    Ready to start fixing your relationship?